I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
