What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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