Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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