I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
