My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
