Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you would pick up someone in the library
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
