you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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