Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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