Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
