i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
