If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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