hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
