I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
