He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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