sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize