Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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