I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
