I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
