i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
