The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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