How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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