i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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