I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
