Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
