and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
