what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
