so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
