I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
