low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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