just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if only i could text you this smell
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
