I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
