Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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