tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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