in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
