Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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