You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My dick has a subreddit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
