You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
