I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
