did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
