She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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