Buhtt sex?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
