I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
