atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
