I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
