I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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