Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
