Will you blow on my dice?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
