he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
