WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
