I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
