if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
