New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
