No stitches, just platelets and will power
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
