I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
